Kids leaving home, with a boot

[Getsome]

My stepson is 19 and has half a foot out the door and this Friday if he doesn?t have a job and is going to community college he has 60 days to move out. He was going to a HVAC program at Pickens tech but ?got bored with it? and quit going but forgot to tell us for a month and a half (but kept leaving in the morning like he was going). He?s had 3.5 paying jobs total till now and fired from 2 for ?no reason?, for a grand total of 5 months work experience. After the HVAC thing we wrote up a contract (that he agreed with) and it basically stated that for him to stay in the house he needs to be attending school and have a job. He was fired from a job last Tuesday so we gave him until this Friday to find another because it takes him forever to find one even with us living within 2 miles of about 4 strip malls. We had to force him to get his driver license.
He?s a nice kid who doesn?t have his pants around his knees, respectful, normal colored hair, and is a big kid. Problem is that he has zero motivation and stays in his room playing on his laptop all day and half of the night. There seems to be no urgency on his part to either get a job or go to school. School starts today and we aren?t sure if he?s even registered for classes. I told my wife last night that he either has a job and classes to take or the deal is over and he gets to take the hard road, his choice.
We have this feeling that he?s going to take the next 58 days off and ride this gravy train and then tell us that he?s enlisting. I have no problem with that and my wife is a veteran of Desert Storm and served 8 years, but doesn?t want him to enlist as a last resort.
My wife is having hard time with this because she feels like she is tossing her son out, but at the same time we both fully agree that if wasn?t for us prodding him into doing something he?d be at home, with no job, and no education, until we died.
Has anyone been through something like this with their kids?

[FirecrackerKTM]

my mom had to do that with my brother ... he sounds exactly the same ... nice kid, just no motivation! He ended up getting his life together mostly, and he's finishing up tech school in Arizona. Slowly, but at least he's going. She's not giving him the boot, she's giving him a kickstart to get out there and live life on his own.

[Steve]

Has anyone been through something like this with their kids?

Yep, sounds like a broken record from our son, who is now 24 and seems to "get it." It took tough love, and it wasn't easy. If they have free room/board, can play on a computer all day and half the night, with little or no consequences, they'll keep on doing it. :shrug:

What you're gonna go through ain't easy by any means, but you, your wife and your stepson will all be better off down the road. Good luck. :thumbsup:

[lilgreenjeepyj]

Did you try yanking the laptop access??

[Rex Ashton]

Remember when we were 17,18,19?....I know I couldn't wait to move out on my own and did right after my 18th B-day....So did most of the "new adults" back then....

I'm amazed how so many kids now aren't chomping at the bit to "be out on their own".....:confused:

Wife's little brother just graduated college with a degree in Sports Management, is 23, and really wants to move back in with his folks until he "figures out what he wants to do"....

I say he should figure it out while supporting himself in his somewhat small town as a Wal-mart door greeter.

:beer: Cheers to you , Mark, for supplying the kick in the pants.....There should be more who do (my own family members included) :shrug:

[scottycards]

Man, I couldn't wait to get out of the 'rents house. Went to CU, and at one point, moved back in for one disasterous semester. They wanted me to cook two meals per week, I had a list of chores that I had to do, I had to be in the house by 9PM when they went to bed, and my room and living area was to be kept spotless.
On weekends, I was to be home by midnight, because they did not want to hear the doors slamming and footsteps on the stairs above their room that would disturb their sleep.
I was out at the end of the semester, and never moved back.
Basically, they just made it very tough for me to live my "19 year old on his own plan" routine.
Oh, and other than a roof over my head, and food on the table, there was no financial support- outside of college expenses which they were kind enough to pay for. I did get good grades. So I worked teaching scuba diving for spending money.

[MonkeyBomb]

I'm all about the 18 and out program. If you aren't in college at 18 your out. You want him motivated. If he won't go to school and keep a job. Charge him rent till he is out in 60 days. Evict him if you have to. Being on your own and figuring out where the next meal comes from, paying the rent and paying for gas helps you grow up fast and get some priorities. Man i couldn't wait to move out. Moved out my senior year in H.S. and paid for everything with an after school and weekend job. Ate alot of hotdogs and ramen but I did Ok and kept an A average. Then I joined the ARMY to get the heck away from that State.

[Sound_Man]

My G/F has a 15 year old that is argumentative all the time and has a holier than tho attitude. He picks on his younger sister almost constantly and seems to do everything in his power to disrupt the household. His mother is physically intimidated by him and he takes advantage of it. She had a run in with him last night and I had to step in for her and it got pretty nasty. She is at her wits end and really does no know what to do. She has taken away the video games and computer access in the past and that works short term and last night I had to physically stop him from stopping his mother as she collected things like his iPod and xbox. There are times when he is really well behaved but others that he just does not get it and then he plays dumb like "what did I do" when you call him on it. I really feel like crap for having to jump his @ss last night but he has absolutely no respect for his mother and does not listen to her at all. I do know that if he keeps going the way his is now when he gets out in the "real world" someone is going to hand him his @ss on a platter.

Has anyone tried this before? http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/Default.aspx I would prefer something that works v.s. having to get physical with the kid but that seems to be the only thing that gets through to him.

[Snotty]

Honestly, I would spell out the rules.

Options are:

Job and school with proof of both = R&B
Job = low cost rent and a lot of parental hassling about school
No Job or School = A free ride to the Military recruiter of their choice.

I left the first chance I had and never looked back.

[jeepn4evr]

My parents had a rule - if you weren't going to college, you had a full time job & if you were you at least had a part time job. In either case we had to pay rent, not very much, think it was around $100/month. Basically that went to the food budget. Also had to have own car & insurance & help with chores & projects around the house. I could borrow theirs occasionally, but had to have my own. They never had to kick me out & I have left & moved back a few times, but rules always the same. Good thing my a parents & I like each other. I am currently living with them now, but in June I will be 100% debt free & by October or so hope to be making my own mortgage payment for the first time as well as actually have money in savings. Rent has gone up a little since high school, but it still mainly goes into the food budget, I do my own laundry & clean parts of the house & I get a couple homemade meals a week depending on my work schedule between 2 jobs. Plus side for my mom is since I am there the honey do projects that she wants my dad to do get done quicker.

If your stepson goes & then wants to come back charge him rent, due on a specific day & make sure there are penalties for not paying rent & pulling his weight around the house, whether monetary or whatever.

[1973CJ5]

My parents had pretty much the same rule. If my sister or I wanted to live at home, we had to:

Be going to school full time with good grades
Part time school and part time work

I we didn't go to school we were expected to work full time and then could afford to live on our own. As long as we were in school we didn't have to pay any rent.

[Getsome]

Did you try yanking the laptop access??

Yanked the laptop, played Xbox
Yanked the Xbox, played Nintendo
Yanked Nintendo, watched TV
Yanked TV, drew in his room

He'll do thing if we ask him but if we didn't we would only see him at dinner and going to take a shower.
I couldn't wait to get my drivers licence and move out so I could meet questionable woman and drink way too much beer till I puked in the car. I bugged my dad daily about getting a car so that I could fix it up and drive it to school. The only rules I had were to show up to work on time, pay the rent and insurance. I learned a ton(good and bad) and grew up to become this old man that I am today. :)

Steve and Rex: Thanks for the support. I'm still in school so that I can get out of computer, my wife is in school full time, and the 12 year old is struggling in Jr high and we just don't need the added excitement of a soon to be 20 year old who has no desire to "grow up" and move on.

Sound Man: When he was 13 we were in hell. A little differant then your story but passive agressive like I have never seen. The wife would ask about homework, "it's done", let's see it, "oh I guess I forgot to do this one page", none of it is done we will do it together. Homework got done and he wouldn't turn it in just to spite his mom. The school thought I was nuts when I went in and asked to have his locker taken away so that he couldn't "forget it" in the locker. He went to live with his dad and he got to see a differant life and where chronic bad choices can take you.

He moved back in with us when we found out that him and his dad were homeless. We never had any physical problems with him like your having but he understands my past and even though he's 6'1" and 200 pounds and I'm 5'8", he does not want to open Pandor's box. If you'd like to talk just let me know.

[Steve]

...even though he's 6'1" and 200 pounds and I'm 5'8", he does not want to open Pandor's box.

By the time he was 17 our son was 6'2" and 200#. I'm 5'8" and 150# and Kathy is smaller. While it was obvious on more than one occasion that Shaun wanted to take it past talking and get physical, I made it clear that it was a line he had better never cross. He never did.

I've sworn that, after raising two kids, I will NEVER offer advice to anyone about theirs, even when asked. I'm sticking to it. I will say that our biggest regret now looking back is that we didn't enforce rules on Shaun the way we should have. We tried to give him the benefit of the doubt too many times and gave him too many chances. He took advantage of it. If you and your wife aren't in complete agreement on how to proceed, and aren't willing to stick together no matter what, it won't work.

Good luck.

:beer:

[Colin]

Good luck, coming from a teenager, I think your doing the right thing! I know several kids my age that have zero motovation in life and simply need a swift kick in the a** every now and then.

I am too at a loss how they can pass up the opprotunity to live on their own. Once Im 18 and HS is over Im outta here!

Im 5'11 and 200#, my dad is considerably smaller but I would never turn a fight into a physical one. Its a line I know not to cross, ever.

[raythehandyman]

Funny
Just Yesterday I sent my son an e-mail in Arizona where his will graduate in August from UTI Automotive school. Then move home.

The e-mail was, be prepaired, you will be paying your own insurance the end of 2007 due to your 6 points for tickets, it will run you over $100.00 bucks month.

NO MORE TICKETS.... drive like an old lady...

[Pilot]

I'm amazed how so many kids now aren't chomping at the bit to "be out on their own".....:confused:


Yeah, what's up with that? I couldn't wait to go to college and get out of the house. How you gonna bring women home when you live....AT HOME.

My stepson was exactly the same. He did one year of college, but never studied or did homework and dropped out. Since then he tried HVAC as an apprentice, but "didn't like the company or crawling around in houses" so he quit. Now he works at an Outback Steakhouse as a saute chef. Great career move. He doesn't save any money, but does at least live on his own, well he lives with a bunch of guys. All I think they do is smoke pot and blow their money on games. When we told him he had 90 days to get a job and move out, he almost immediately moved in with friends and got the Outback job. If he was serious about school, I'd send him back to college, but he is just NOT MOTIVATED.

[lilgreenjeepyj]

I moved back in with the rents after college. They had no issue with it, and I did my share of work around the house. Paid for all of my junk. Save thousands a month too and paid off the heep early. We got along fine and I saved a TON of money. Then again I did have a full professional carrer and I did do tons of work on their property and house. And I finished my undergrad work. I doubt they would have just let me live there otherwise, and it was temporary as in 1 year.


Then I got married and it went down hill from there.... :)

Ill do the same for my kids, no loafing around, but Ill gladly open the door back up for them if they want to return after school, or if they stay in town for school. If they are lazy and irresponsible, then they will get the boot, or do crap we don't agree with. I was to motivated to sit around their place for ever, but saving that $$$ was sure nice.

[JiminyCricket]

There was a newspaper report regarding a conference last week on marketing to the different generations. There are more unique generation groups alive and kicking today than there have been in the past.

One interesting point, the younger generation referred to as the Millenials was by far the most attached to home and had the closest relationship with parents.

Unlike the previous Gen Xer's who distrust authoritae and couldn't wait to leave home.

[Jeepindog]

Do you old farts ever consider the bleak prospects out there for a below-average student? Hard to get into a good school with terrible SAT scores. Hard to pick a career that will make you any money if you're not a good student. Hard to move out at 18 and live on minimum wage these days. Have you guys actually looked at rent lately? Flipping burgers or working at a checkout line is hardly going to pay for food and rent. Forget health insurance and a car payment. Put yourselves in YOUR CHILDREN'S shoes, show some compassion, and teach them why you know more than they do by leading them to their futures, instead of beating them down with restrictions and (in their eyes) stupid rules.
Explain to them why they need to start working hard NOW, whether it's in school or at a job. Help them find jobs. Be a parent. Why did you have kids in the first place? Remember those reasons, and love them as your children.

If none of that works, sell them to the gypsies. :flipoff2:

[Waifer2112]

Do you old farts ever consider the bleak prospects out there for a below-average student? Hard to get into a good school with terrible SAT scores. Hard to pick a career that will make you any money if you're not a good student. Hard to move out at 18 and live on minimum wage these days. Have you guys actually looked at rent lately? Flipping burgers or working at a checkout line is hardly going to pay for food and rent. Forget health insurance and a car payment. Put yourselves in YOUR CHILDREN'S shoes, show some compassion, and teach them why you know more than they do by leading them to their futures, instead of beating them down with restrictions and (in their eyes) stupid rules.
Explain to them why they need to start working hard NOW, whether it's in school or at a job. Help them find jobs. Be a parent. Why did you have kids in the first place? Remember those reasons, and love them as your children.

If none of that works, sell them to the gypsies. :flipoff2:

Gee, that sounds awfully hard to do. I think I'll just move back in with my parents, instead. :flipoff2:

Personally, I think it's more "parenting" to force your kid to grow up, than "help them find jobs". Let them find their own jobs. I mean, we've all been doing it for generations, why the sudden lack of maturity to do it on your own? Lack of real "parents", perhaps?

[WhtJeep]

I've sworn that, after raising two kids, I will NEVER offer advice to anyone about theirs, even when asked. I'm sticking to it. I will say that our biggest regret now looking back is that we didn't enforce rules on Shaun the way we should have. We tried to give him the benefit of the doubt too many times and gave him too many chances. He took advantage of it. If you and your wife aren't in complete agreement on how to proceed, and aren't willing to stick together no matter what, it won't work.

Good luck.

:beer:

Man it is like you are writing about me here. I see this thread and I think of myself a lot of times, instead of 20 though I was 18,19. I had no desire to get out because I didn't know what I wanted to do when I was done with high school. it wasnt until that point of get a job, go to school that I realized that I really needed to do that and get out of the house. Looking back on it i think of how stupid I was for doing all the things I did, or not doing them as the case implies. Personally, nothing you say will make him change. He needs to see it himself before he ever wants to do anything. At least, that is how I was....:beer:

[rckkrwlr460]

At eighteen I was kicked out of the house with no where to go. I lived in my 1965 chevelle for and entire summer (about 5 months worth). Come winter time I had my motivational issues sorted out. Amazing what yanking the support system out from someones feet will do for their motivation.

[Sound_Man]

Do you old farts ever consider the bleak prospects out there for a below-average student? Hard to get into a good school with terrible SAT scores. Hard to pick a career that will make you any money if you're not a good student. Hard to move out at 18 and live on minimum wage these days. Have you guys actually looked at rent lately? Flipping burgers or working at a checkout line is hardly going to pay for food and rent. Forget health insurance and a car payment. Put yourselves in YOUR CHILDREN'S shoes, show some compassion, and teach them why you know more than they do by leading them to their futures, instead of beating them down with restrictions and (in their eyes) stupid rules.
Explain to them why they need to start working hard NOW, whether it's in school or at a job. Help them find jobs. Be a parent. Why did you have kids in the first place? Remember those reasons, and love them as your children.

If none of that works, sell them to the gypsies. :flipoff2:

You know this is why parents are tough on their kids right? Most kids I know when they first get out on their own have roommates and others that help support each other. If you are not bearable to live with, then who will have you as a roommate? If your parents that love and care about you can't get along with you how will a stranger do it?

At eighteen I was kicked out of the house with no where to go. I lived in my 1965 chevelle for and entire summer (about 5 months worth). Come winter time I had my motivational issues sorted out. Amazing what yanking the support system out from someones feet will do for their motivation.

I would hate to see this happen to anyone but if you can't pull your own weight and have no motivation to do so what choice have you left your parents with?

[jdogg4]

WOW you two have more paitents than my folks have. My dad would have had me out the door long before it got to this point. Then again I got shipped back home to TENN. for my summer vacation to work. That and I had a job pulling 30 hours a week during the school year and 40 to 60 in the summer. Not that my motivation is all that good but I understand what the value of a $1 is. Maybe it's more that he doesn't understand the money value and what it's worth to get that motivation kick started.

[Budman]

Okay, My turn. First and foremost I will not offer direct advice, because My girls are going to be right where your son is soon if they do not look out.

The military. Not a bad thing if you do it right. Go in while there is still time to play the waiting game. Find a good job that will meet his needs. He can do the 4 years and if he hates it, he can get out. I have seen many many kids that were "Forced to get off thier buts and join by thier parent turn into respected Members of the service.

Kicking them out of the house. My sister is 25, and still living off mom and dad because they will not cut the cord. I think there is a good chance that she will continue to do this until they get fed up and put a stop to it. You are doing the right thing by calling him out.

Physical intimidation of parents by kids: I was bigger than my old man by the time I was 14. I never once had a thought about being able to whoop him. I once saw a good friend of mine layed out by his old man, and thier was a much bigger son to dad size difference there than with my old man and I. My dad's only comment was "See there son, size has nothing to do with it". All it takes to do away with that is one good whoopin by the parent. Is that hard to do? Yes. Does it work? Yes.

To quote my old man: "Size has nothing to do with it. I once saw a bee make a bull swim a river."

Getting out of the house: I had to beg my dad to sign the slip so I could join at 17, but I did it, and I am here, and do not regret it. (most days).

[ColoradoXJ]

Personally, I think it's more "parenting" to force your kid to grow up, than "help them find jobs". Let them find their own jobs. I mean, we've all been doing it for generations, why the sudden lack of maturity to do it on your own? Lack of real "parents", perhaps?

i have made more than my share of mistakes, and i'm paying for them still... but one thing my dad did for me that REALLY helped was put in a good word for me at one of my ex-employers. I was working a dead-end job at a body shop during the day and working at a pizza joint at night and living at home. had too many bills, but couldn't stand living with my dad, so i moved in with one of my friends, but still wasn't getting anywhere. my dad helped me get a job that I then had to work to keep. ended up being there for 3 years. :thumbsup: so while i would say that forcing your kids to grow up helps, so does being compassionate and helpful from time to time. it pays off. i've been back home temporarily, and still do work for my dad to make a little cash to buy textbooks and make car payments, but now i realize that someone can give you a lift, but it's up to you to stay up there and not fall again.

[CherryokeeXJ]

Props for taking any kind of action.:thumbsup:

My cousin lives in a low-income apartment, and goes to school full time (which is only half days, four days a week). He has no job, and took out student loans for school. How does he afford to exist, you ask? My aunt and uncle take out loans and send him $2000 a month to buy him groceries, make his truck payment, ect, ect (and they're not rich people).

The kicker:

HE'S 28!!!!!! AND HIS GRADES SUCK!!!!!!!

If you don't take action, you will have a leech for the rest of your damn life. You have to pop the titty out of their mouths at some point, so just do it.

BTW, he doesn't know what he wants to do with his education if he actually achieves and completes one. "There is no job that will fit my lifestyle," (sitting on a$$, smoking weed, and playing video games) he tells me. So basically he's digging his parents a debt hole, and plans on doing nothing with himself even after that. Sad......:(

[Ooompa Loompa]

My aunt and uncle take out loans and send him $2000 a month



:eek: :eek: OMG that's insane.

[CherryokeeXJ]

:eek: :eek: OMG that's insane.

No chit. In my opinion, if you're that big of a loser at 28, you're forever going to be a loser. Some would say, "But I made something of myself at that age". That may be true, but you WANTED to make something of yourself. He doesn't want to work.....period.:shrug:

[FORMULA51]

at 16 i had no choice.

Pa went to prison and Ma went to texas over night.


talk about a kick in the ass. :thumbsup:

[Jeepindog]

As the old saying goes, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." (Ducking, running...) :flipoff2: and :beer:

[FORMULA51]

As the old saying goes, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree." (Ducking, running...) :flipoff2: and :beer:

was that to me?

[Jeepindog]

was that to me?


No, when I was writing that your post wasn't in the thread yet. I would never say anything like that to ANYONE who had said what you did, unless I knew you well, we were friends, and you would take it as a joke, and even then it would be tasteless and uncool. I was only throwing that one out there because it's an old saying, and there's gotta be some merit to it. Some apple trees are on hillsides, and I'll bet their apples end up a long ways away from the tree!

[FORMULA51]

figured so. my quick reply is taking forever on this comp for some reason. :thumbsup:also, my pickable smilies aren't working now... :shrug:

[REDLYNER]

The military will make men out of most.


If he is making the decision to go, he will become a man.


If he chooses not to make good grades, and he chooses not to work hard, then he is choosing a poor future. It sounds like he needs someone to make all of his decisions for him and point him in the right directions. The military will provide all of that.


You are not shipping him out the door if he is making the decision. But forcing him to join imho is not the answer either.


Easy for me to preach, I don't have kids.

[WhiskeyMan]

This is the age of enlightenment (the second one......I think).

Have any of you ever heard of the mental illness called DEPRESSION?

Do you know that it is real? Do you know what the symptoms are? Do you know that many young adults (and older ones) are afflicted?

The challenges of adulthood are enough to send many young people who are prone into deeeeeeeep, bluesy, dysfunctional behavior patterns.

Shame on you parents for not considering this.

WM

[jtw2]

please, no offense but who gave him a laptop? Who gives him his entertainment? Has he ever wanted for anything? If not then of course he has no motivation, why would he? I see a lot of this trend in my boys but if they want anything they have to buy it themselves. They must also play at least one sport per school year as I've found that excercize seems to help. They went through soccer, baseball, swimming and football before finding that they love lacrosse so they play that a lot.

[TheCopperCowboy]

I guess video games and ipods took away the constructive ability of ones hands such as going into construction. Plenty of fresh air and sunshine. Some even make good money. It's OK to gently place your boot and push away slowly. :cool:

[pbjeeper]

Try to find SOMETHING that interests him and guide him toward jobs having to do with whatever it is.

I have two sons...both lacked motivation during high school. I told them if they didn't get good grades no drivers license. They both didn't get their D/L until they were 18 and could sign for it themselves! I so couldn't relate. They both knew they were getting the boot after h/s if they weren't in college. Danny joined the Marines and now has a wife, two kids, and is generally kicking ass in life. My other son wandered for several years ending up in jail a few times. We never bailed him out...helped him out with fines once in a while and took him in when he was willing to live by our rules (not very long). We went skiing when he was a kid but a friend taught him how to snowboard a few years ago and finally he found something he loved and was motavited to do. So now he works at keystone, loves it and wants to move up in life. So my advice is lots of patience, cajoling, and encouragement with a little, cherry picked, help from time to time. And don't do any of the "help" from time to time without extracting a plan and promises for future behavior...even if you know the chances are slim that he will stick with it!

[lilgreenjeepyj]

I guess video games and ipods took away the constructive ability of ones hands such as going into construction. Plenty of fresh air and sunshine. Some even make good money. It's OK to gently place your boot and push away slowly. :cool:



The PC my parents gave us caused me to end up working with them full time and making better $$$ than either of them. That and I learned to write my own games as they were to poor to buy a crap load of games for us. So they aren't always bad, only when abused. Then again, my parents also forced us to go outside and play which led to other less constructive fun. :D:D:D

[crackhead]

I joined the military as soon as I turned 17 and left 2 weeks after I turned 18.. I loved my parents and we had the same issues that any parents/teens have.. It was the BEST decision of my life, period.. I wasnt mature enough to go to college at the time and it got me out of that town.. As much as I agree that the military generally straightens young guys out, I dont think it is a good idea to force him into it.. Cause if he really doesnt want to be there, he'll f up on purpose and get kicked out.. Then he really is screwed for the rest of his life.. Best of luck man... I an reading this religously, cause ive got a 2 year old and my mom said that everything i did growing up will come back to me 10 fold..

[Getsome]

please, no offense but who gave him a laptop? Who gives him his entertainment? Has he ever wanted for anything?
He paid $1300 for the laptop with the money that he made while working at Arby's over 4 the months he worked. We tried Wrestling but that did not work. We asked about football and he wasn't interested. He can't throw anything real well either. He tells us that he wants to program games for PC's but has done nothing to either take programming classes or learn how to create a game.
He didn't look for a job the last 2 days...

[lilgreenjeepyj]

He paid $1300 for the laptop with the money that he made while working at Arby's over 4 the months he worked. We tried Wrestling but that did not work. We asked about football and he wasn't interested. He can't throw anything real well either. He tells us that he wants to program games for PC's but has done nothing to either take programming classes or learn how to create a game.
He didn't look for a job the last 2 days...



If that is truely what he wants, have him look here www.FullSail.com

That is a good start at least, and the # of schools with game programming tracts increases all the time. The love of programming as a kid got me into coding as a profession.

[Sound_Man]

If that is truely what he wants, have him look here www.FullSail.com

That is a good start at least, and the # of schools with game programming tracts increases all the time. The love of programming as a kid got me into coding as a profession.


I did this http://www.fullsail.com/show-production/overview.html hence my screen name. Loved every single minute of it and every bit of time I was on the road.

[Barf Bag]

Has he ever wanted for anything?

My kids are always telling me they want stuff (like most normal kids). when they do, I muster up the most sympathetic look I can, put my hand on their shoulder, lean down, make a slow grabbing motion with my other hand and say 'hold on to that want, it will get you through the hard times' boy does it piss them off.

[Budman]

My kids are always telling me they want stuff (like most normal kids). when they do, I muster up the most sympathetic look I can, put my hand on their shoulder, lean down, make a slow grabbing motion with my other hand and say 'hold on to that want, it will get you through the hard times' boy does it piss them off.

My old man used to say "Want in one hand and crap in the other and we will see which one gets full first." I have to admit that I use that one some now too.

[Budman]

This is the age of enlightenment (the second one......I think).

Have any of you ever heard of the mental illness called DEPRESSION?

Do you know that it is real? Do you know what the symptoms are? Do you know that many young adults (and older ones) are afflicted?

The challenges of adulthood are enough to send many young people who are prone into deeeeeeeep, bluesy, dysfunctional behavior patterns.

Shame on you parents for not considering this.

WM


He's BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Getsome]

He's BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like herpies.
He was evaluated for depression and it was negative. His IQ is on the 150's so it's not an issue of ability, just motovation.

[Barf Bag]

His IQ is on the 150's

nothing more frustrating as a parent than a kid with the ability, but not the desire

[Budman]

nothing more frustrating as a parent than a kid with the ability, but not the desire

I have one of these that is 15.5. I am about to strangle her.

[Budman]

He's BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like herpies.
He was evaluated for depression and it was negative. His IQ is on the 150's so it's not an issue of ability, just motovation.

I was referring to whiskey man.

[Steve]

He's BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nope, check out his new subtitle. :thumbsup:

[Budman]

O okay. Glad to hear... I think I had one of those on here too.

[IoN6]

I am with everyone else here who couldn't wait to move out. Shoot, I moved to Denver from New Mexico the summer after I graduated with a whole $400 in my bank account and no job. I couldn't wait to get out, no matter the cost.

This is the age of enlightenment (the second one......I think).

Have any of you ever heard of the mental illness called DEPRESSION?

Do you know that it is real? Do you know what the symptoms are? Do you know that many young adults (and older ones) are afflicted?

The challenges of adulthood are enough to send many young people who are prone into deeeeeeeep, bluesy, dysfunctional behavior patterns.

Shame on you parents for not considering this.

WM

I think this is a BS excuse. But I also think that things like depression are made up in the mind. If you think you are depressed, then you are. Just like if you think you are getting sick, a couple of days later you wake up sick.

People these days (not just kids) have way too many cop-outs they can fall back on. "Well I can't live on my own because of xxxxx" or "I can't drive because my xxxxx prevents me" or any other thing that is used as a crutch.

[lilgreenjeepyj]

I did this http://www.fullsail.com/show-production/overview.html hence my screen name. Loved every single minute of it and every bit of time I was on the road.


Thats cool. I went normal CS/MS but maybe someday Ill head into the entertainment section...

[Sound_Man]

Thats cool. I went normal CS/MS but maybe someday Ill head into the entertainment section...

It has been a long time since I was actively doing it but I really liked running FOH or monitors at some of the shows I worked.

[bigkuh]

I am reading this religously, cause ive got a 2 year old and my mom said that everything i did growing up will come back to me 10 fold..

X2
I'm going to be in some deep sh^! if the ten fold thing is true :eek:

I decided that I knew more than every adult I talked with when I was 17. This got me a size 11 in the #ss from my Dad and I ended up living in my 1963 volkswagen bug in the middle of winter with every piece of clothing I had in the back seat to stay warm at night (bug heaters suck). It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I was in the Recruiters office within 2 weeks and off to boot camp in no time. Its been on the upswing ever since.:D

My sister in law is 24 and still lives at home cause Mom won't cut the cord. She has no job, no car, no $$, no life. She moves from boyfriend to boyfriend taking all of the handouts she can, then once they get tired of it they kick her to the curb. It is a strange thing how 2 kids raised by the same parents, in virtually exactly the samy way end up being total opposites. My wife is in her 3rd year of college (1st year of Nursing) and is extremely responsible with our finances, an awesome mother, and motivated as hell.:thumbsup:

Good luck...IMHO tough love works.

[Budman]

X2
It is a strange thing how 2 kids raised by the same parents, in virtually exactly the samy way end up being total opposites.

My wife and I are Great exmples of this. She is an upstanding hard working responsible person, and her sister is a deadbeat druggy who Neglects her kids, is in love with a Convict.

I like to think I am a pretty responsible person, and my sister is still living off mom and dad at 25. Crazy stuff.

[Johnboy]

In my opinion dont ever give your kids money for nothing. Ever. Make em earn it. They paid my way and bought my food as long as I was in college but never gave me cash until I was flat broke working a job that paid only rent and food and the food was running out. They gave me $100 for some food. A few weeks later I got an additional part time job to get some spending cash. I was 21. All my brothers and sisters have college degrees or are rapidly approaching graduation, have lives, don't do drugs, and are contributing members of society. When I got I got married, we moved with my job and she did not have one. It was a shock to her to not get to spend money on whatever she wanted. Her parents always gave her money and still give her sisters money (they are in college). My wife now gets it and is awesome with finances. One of her sisters is headed for bankrupcy at least one time in her life because neither she nor her fiance get "it." It all comes from how the parents lived and showed their kids how to live. One of my brothers had trouble but my parents were a huge pain in the ass to him and straightenend out. Make your kids earn every dollar they have.

But watch our for getting empty nesters syndrome. My parents have it rough now after 30 yeards of having the kids around and now its just them.

[Getsome]

UPDATE:

The time passed for Joe to get job so we gave him 60 days to find an apartment. He found a job about 2 weeks ago and that was going pretty well. We get a call last night from Joe stating that he is in a hotel and that he joined the Marines. He decided to do it like this because he didn't want his mom from talking him out of it. I'm pretty sure he just walked in and said "where do I sign?". His physical is today and he is coming home tonight about 6pm and we are going to talk about it.

I'm unsure how I feel about all of this.

[starbreaker666]

While the military is a very honorable choice and can be a great career but I wonder how good of a choice it is just sign up with thinking about it much.

[Frank Z]

He's gonna grow up REAL fast now. This could be the best choice he could have made.

I'll reserve a huge Semer Fi until he earns the title of United States Marine, but I certainly wish him all the best.

[Budman]

He's gonna grow up REAL fast now. This could be the best choice he could have made.

I'll reserve a huge Semer Fi until he earns the title of United States Marine, but I certainly wish him all the best.

I do not know all the details surrounding this, but I would guess that in a couple of years, you are all going to be very glad he did this. The military gave me the opprotunity to grow up (at least as much as I have so far) and then allowed me to stay around and have a good career.

[Oscar]

I spent 22 years in the AF. I know I wasn't marine material. There is ton of potiential in the military. Make sure he has in writing what he wants for a job. don't go open anything. It is a good thing to be in the military even with the current state of things.

[Getsome]

Make sure he has in writing what he wants for a job. don't go open anything.

This is the problem that I have. As far as I know he is going to take whatever they hand him. He told his mom last night that he scored very high in the testing and "could do whatever he wants". I'm not surprised because he's very bright and his mom was in the AF for 8 years.

I have told him about all of my friends that were led to believe that they were going to xxxxx and it never happend because it was never in writting. A while ago there was a thread on Pirate about a guy enlisting and he got some great advice for people who are in and were in but I can't find it. He(Guy from Pirate) ended up walking after taking the physical for one reason or another but still planned on enlisting. I'd like to print it out for Joe so he isn't going in blind.

[Oscar]

The joys of being a parent ask him what he wants out of the military it is a 2 way street. If you can got to the recruiter with him a sit down and discuss it.
Recuiters are very good salesmen and can make any job sound great. I am sure there are some Marines on here that can decifer the speak so you really know what they are saying.

[Budman]

You are a ways away, but I work with/for a bunch of Marines that I could put you into contact with...

[tom.keyes]

The kids today are the generation of entitlement. They don't feel the need to go and make their own way as like other generations before them had to do. I have a 15 year old with an IQ of 170 and he wont go to school, wont be apart of the family or a productive part of society and only wants to do drugs and alcohol. Has been an on and off runaway from Social Services 3 times now and yesterday was sent to prison for not going to school. He doesn't see one thing that is his fault in this whole situation. It kills me to see a smart kid blow his life because he dosn'et feel like he needs to go to school or have any sort of a job? Hell I was working 40 hours a week at the age of 13 and getting my school work done. Asking one of the kids today to do that and you get a look like you must be on "Crack"....... These kids need to get booted out the door for not living up to thier end of the deal. Good luck there are no easy answers to this. Just hope they pull thier heads out before it is to late.

And maybe sitting in Jail will help mine out?? I'm not holding my breath.

[Jerry]

When my oldest was 15, i asked him to mow the lawn. he asked me how much i was going to pay him. i replied that i provide a roof over his head, food in his belly, and clothes on his back. and he said he won't do it unless i pay him. so i said no food, no allowence, no clean clothes no tv, no nintendo, nothing untill he shows a little responabiltity aroud the house, well he lasted two days. he is now a officer in the air force. i guess you just have to get down to the core of things.

[jnschwie]

I remember when I left home with a boot...

http://www.colorado4x4.org/vbb/image.php?u=3882&dateline=1096516451&type=profile


Those were the days. :D

[mulliganplummer]

I remember when I left home with a boot...

http://www.colorado4x4.org/vbb/image.php?u=3882&dateline=1096516451&type=profile


Those were the days. :D

Remember to turn it at the end.

[thenimirra]

I went through something similar with my sister who came to live with me after our mother passed away two years ago. I finally had to change the locks to the house to let her know I was serious. I gave her from the time she graduated high school in May till Sept. 1 to either be working, going to community college, or preferably both. I also wanted her to get used to paying rent or contributing something to the household...maybe buy the dog's food or something like that on a regular basis. After ignoring my calls and dropping into the house while I was at work, she got the wind blown out of her sails when she tried to get in and found the front door lock changed as well as the code to the garage door.

It was one of the toughest things I've ever had to do and I still live with the pain and self-doubt that I pushed too hard. I understand your situation and I've come to believe that tough love is sometimes essential when raising youth. Hang in there and stick to your guns! If you've signed a contract with him, stick to it...no matter how hard it is.


I wrote an article about this notion as well.

http://cyberlib/ProQuestPublisher/pqp-bin/pqp.exe?operation=getdoc&database=2007;2006;2005;2004;2003;2002;2001;2000;&databases=2007;2005;2004;2004;&docid=4473&docids=1443;4473;2503;2492;&query=(Sheba+and+boomerang)&pos=1&numhits=25&start=0&type=0&user=LANCASTER&sview=1&hview=2&dview=1

[jnschwie]

Remember to turn it at the end.

Cheating.

[Getsome]

Just an update:

Last Friday the 19 year old moved into a small apartment that is closer to his work. His dad helped him get this job so lets hope that this one sticks.

A friend from work was in hell when I posted this and I can now talk about it. He has been a single father for 15 years(he's 32) and is/was very protective of his daughter and on Dec 24 she ran away from home. He was nuts when I talked to him because she had been gone for 3 days when he told me. He talked to the police in Littleton, Castle Rock, old teachers, friends, parents, staked out houses and followed up every time someone called him to say that they had seen her.

She was picked up by the police for a curfew violation about 2 weeks ago and is back at home now. Things are still not right between them because he knows that if he lays down the law she'll take off again. While she was gone they meet twice to talk things over and he said that he didn't know whether to hug or beat the hell out of her. He also is beyond pissed at whomever was harboring her for 3 months.

They are in negotiations and as a parent it's killing him to do it but it's better then her being dead in a warehouse or coming back knocked up.